Now lets get down to brass tax, today we need to talk about building the perfect long snapper. Now, the easy and short answer would be me. But that would also be a lie and I would never lie to you because I love you. I am going to work from the top down to create my perfect super human Long Snapper:
Hair: Fabio. Flowing locks are essential to a perfect snap. If you don't believe me, ask the dishes! (WHAT UP BEAUTY AND THE BEAST REFERENCE??!?!??)
Facial Hair: Another important factor in a long snap. Obviously, the cut would be a mustache. No question. But who's mustache provides the best environment for success? My dad's, circa 1975. Perfectly groomed, slight hint of handlebarness. Many people do not realize my Dad was once a great long snapper himself, started on the Mississinewa 9th grade team for the Indians.
Mentality: Long snappers must play with a chip on their shoulder; I'm not talking about going out there and wanting to prove someone wrong, I am talking about a literal chip because chips are delicious. Chris Carlino has the mentality of a walk on with the ability of a scholarship player (rare). He knows what every player on every special team's role is on every play, he would make a great long snapper because he always performs and also likes to party.
Physique: Big, bulky muscles can get in the way of long snapping (which is why I have gone with a more Average Joe build and chosen to gain excessive weight in other areas such as my thighs and stomach). Physique-wise, I'm taking Uncle Jesse from the Full House. Always smooth. Leather jackets.
Game Swag: It is true, you can be a good long snapper without game day swag; Jesse Schmitt embodies the swagless long snapper. Jesse wears no wrist bands, pulls his socks as high as possible (even though it looks stupid), wears dirty old gross cleats and still performs. My selection for game swag when building the perfect long snapper would be Brad "The Big Pizza" Niemeier; two wristbands, simple yet very effective.
|Pizza kissing his girlfriend|
For the record, I tried to photoshop a picture of the perfect long snapper but Zoolander is on TV and I ran out of time. deeply sorry.
Today is a very special day, here we have the first installment of "Booty's Corner" where I interview other players who get less media attention than they deserve so the public can know the awesomeness that is the men of the Purdue Football team.
not enough awkward leg touches if you ask me.
Notre Dame: 1 Day
Happy Birthday to my stretching partner and hair extraordinaire, Logan Link