My mustache journey began at a young age, I remember it like it was yesterday. In all of my 5 or 6 years of life I only knew the best dad in the world, a mustachioed Ken Ballinger. One weekend we were on a camping trip with some family friends, I was minding my own business playing Cowboys and Native Americans with all of my imaginary friends. Out of nowhere my dad walked up to me to see how things were going sans mustache. My dad's upper lip was as white as the loin clothe of Zeus due to the extreme lack of sunlight. I immediately forgot about the task at hand of saving the world and asked where he put his mustache. He gave a hearty laugh and said "I put it in my pocket." I spent the rest of the trip begging him to put his mouth brow back on. I'm probably one of the few people in this world who have actually cried over a mustache. If you have a problem with that, name the time and place.
Personally, I like to sport a womb broom at least twice a year. Once during Movember to raise prostate cancer awareness and once whenever I feel it is necessary. I will tell you it is not easy to wear a mustache in this day in age. There are haters literally everywhere you go (I don't want to name any names but known haters include, but are not limited to: Nick Mondek, Barrett Seratto, Ryan Bridges, and every boyfriend everywhere). They say it looks stupid. Oh yeah? Do four MySpace friend requests look stupid to you? Didn't think so tough guy.
Here is a list of my top 5 mustaches in the history of men.
5. Sam Elliott
4. Burt Reynolds
Smokey and the Bandit. Enough Said.
3. Rollie Fingers
2. Larry Bird
1. Ken Ballinger
Great Mustache Honorable Mentions:
- Tom Selleck
You may be asking yourself, what do mustaches have to do with long snapping? Everything.
3 Days! Beat Middle!
If you or anybody you know is suffering from mustache discrimination, please visit the following website: