Thursday, March 8, 2012

Pro Day #KevinBallingerForMrIrrelevant

Now that I am student teaching, I have had less time to prepare for the upcoming pro day being held at Purdue. I have had to take a break from being my regular self, a real man's man; the type of man who lifts massive amounts of weight over his head, fights dragons or builds suspension bridges. Instead I have been spending my time shaping today's youth into tomorrow's learned doctors one badminton lesson at a time. However, I have been able to hone my skills in several different areas, which I am really banking on helping me out for my workout at pro day. My soccer, badminton, basketball and kickball skills have never been at such a high level. During my prep you can find me in the gym shooting free throws with a woman's ball (because that's what I have tough guys and honestly its only 1 inch smaller in diameter so back off) preparing for my students inevitably to challenge me in a game of Tip-In-21 later in the day. I also have a couple of weights class but I elect not to lift with them so that I will not be sore for the big day. Have to be fresh when Jerry Jones and Zygi Wilf come breathing down my neck wanting a piece of this jelly.

Most guys trying to make it in the league play pretty hard during the season then elect to go away to a training facility to get right for the combine or their respective school's pro day. What I've always wondered was why don't these guys just work hard all the time instead of the few months they give themselves between the season and showtime? I'm trying a totally different approach to this pro day...

I will do the exact opposite of what everybody else does and not work at all between the end of the season and pro day. From what I've heard from nobody is that NFL teams really like guys who think outside of the box and one step ahead of his competition. All of my snaps from last season are well documented on film, so I see exactly zero reason to snap at pro day. These scouts are professionals, they know a good snapper when he walks in the door. 225 bench press max? Not for this guy. If they want to know how much I can bench they can just look at the record board for specialists as I currently hold the record for most reps at 225 and 1 rep max*. Vertical jump? Broad Jump? Look, if a long snapper needed to be able to jump high or long I wouldn't have made it this far. Wonderlic Test? They can just ask me, I'll tell them I got average grades.

But the one thing they haven't seen, the thing that is going to set me apart and be a game changer: The 40.

That's right folks, I plan on foregoing all tests and drills except for the 40. I haven't sprinted since bowl prep in December but I still feel I can produce a gentleman's sub 6 second dash and they will respect me for it. I already have my white tights laid out. No shirt or shorts necessary probably won't even wear socks (to cut down on wind resistance). Just me, my cleats and my fat gold rope chain that is going to look so baller bouncing on my chest when I set Mollenkopf on fire.

I know I'm not a first round pick, I don't play a flashy enough position to be invited to Radio City Music Hall. That's fine. Like my pro day preparation, I am taking a different approach to this years NFL draft: I'm trying to be Mr. Irrelevant. For those of you who don't know, Mr. Irrelevant is the last picked in the draft. Nobody really wants to be Mr. Irrelevant because if you are undrafted in the late rounds, you often have a choice of what team to go into camp with thus giving you a better chance to make the team. I want to be Mr. Irrelevant. Pick me. Just keep me long enough for the rookie show, trust me. Just trying to make my mark on Purdue by becoming the first from this great university to be Mr. Irrelevant.
Give the people what they want. #KevinBallingerForMrIrrelevant


love you,
Kevin "Hopefully the future Mr. Irrelevant" Ballinger

better blogs you should read: if you like sports and laughing if you like celebrities and laughing if you are into long snapping and/or snapping in college click here if you like awesome paintings and sports themed art and stuff

*Last summer was the first year Purdue started recording records. Therefore, a lot of records were broken last summer. Actually, all of them were set and broken at the same time.