Thursday, October 27, 2011

Kevin Ballinger: Long Snapper Forever

Thanks to Dustin Smith, our team's video extraordinaire, I was able to take a few moving picture shots about what it is really like to be a long snapper. As I have mentioned before, long snapping has very little to do with actually snapping a ball; it has everything to do with everything else. I have said many times, snapping is 50% mental, 30% ball tricks, 10% snapping and another 30% talking about girls. This video displays a few of the skills necessary to be in the top 10% of all long snappers at Purdue University.
I know what you are thinking, "Kevin, you stupid butt face, you just stole everything from all the other trick videos that have been put out." Ok, you got me. Pobody's nerfect. Don't worry, I definitely did not ask permission to use their ideas so its fine. Probably. I hope you have a great rest of the day/night depending on when and where you got suckered into reading this. I love you.

In other news, for those of you who are early draft board enthusiasts (I'm talking to you, Mel Kiper), it is safe to say I will not be playing for the Falcon's next year. A Falcon's scout walked by me in practice the other day and this is about how our conversation went:
Me: You guys looking for a long snapper?
Scout: Everybody is always looking! Are you any good?
Me: The best!
Scout: Ok sounds good, I'll have to check you out.
Me: Yeah, hit me up on MySpace.

Halloween is coming up, please plan/dress accordingly. Here are a few suggestions:
  1. 90% of your costume is your attitude and how well you get into character
  2. nobody is too cool to dress up for Halloween, if they refuse, they are no friend of mine and should be no friend of yours.
  3. don't dress up like anybody from the Jersey Shore
  4. face paint always seems like a good idea at the time
  5. do not set your cup down. it will be drugged. you will get AIDS. and you will die.
  6. throw down on the dance floor
If you are still unsure of what to wear on this glorious occasion, view further for some past ideas of mine that went so well I had to burn the costumes immediately after:

John Finch and myself as Daryl Hall and John Oates
The real Daryl Hall and John Oates

Me as a single lady. Take note of the heels
Me dressed a shovel.
Laura Croft

Me pretending to be a football player

Michigan: 2 Days
Christmas: 59 Days

Happy Birthday to our Special Teams manager Sarah Lim!!

Thursday, October 20, 2011


I have sworn I would never lie too you many times but I must admit, last week I straight up lied to your face. Confidence is not a long snapper's #1 weapon; dancing is. Dancing can take a snapper to the next level on and off the field. 
Any long snapper dreams of somehow falling on a loose ball in the end zone and for once scoring themselves instead of throwing a ball so the kicker can take all the glory. Having been said, any snapper who is worth anything should already have a pre-planned touchdown dance. Mine is way too awesome to even show before it actually happens, mostly because it will get me kicked out of the game and bring shame upon my family.
This week, I have dedicated my post to dancing and have chosen to show a few options to those struggling long snappers/people in the club who have the desire to be great but need that little nudge to get their ish together and start dancing. 
I will be rating the following dances on a scale of 1-46. A score of 1 means you should probably just stop because if I see you doing this move in public I will push you down and call you names in front of your family and friends. A lucid score of 46 means you clearly know what you are doing and I would like to spend the rest of my life in your dancing presence.

Here we have receiver TJ Barbarette displaying his finest Douglas dance. He is pretty fluent in the language of dancing and if you do this dance correctly in dancing situations, you can quickly gain the mad respect you deserve from your peers. However, if you mess up everybody will laugh at you and you will spend the rest of eternity wishing you hadn't tried to Dougie. I give TJ a 39 for this performance.

Next up on our list of dancers is Chuck Torwudzo breaking it down doing a move I've never seen but that doesn't mean I don't like it. He is innovative with the wind-up camera move, not seen enough if you ask me. Chuck T gets a solid 35.

Here we have Akeem "The Dream" Shavers and Brandon Cottom kicking it old school. Literally the dance move they performed involved kicking. Although they missed on the timing, the colabo move is rarely seen in this day in age of individuals trying to get paper and such. The pair scored a 37.

Kawaan Short aka The Beast aka The Freak aka KK is getting down to a little move we in the biz call, the chicken head. Shout out to KK for the creative name/willingness to stick himself out there and dance for all you beautiful people. KK scores a 38 for his chicken dance.

Here we have a poser who thinks he can dance but he really just wanted to be like everybody else and look cool. I think he is trying to "Drop It Low." Instead he ends up dropping it stupid and looks like a fool because this is his best dance move. 6.
Ahh yes, The Jerk. Carson Wiggs and Justin Sinz proudly display their best Jerk and simultaneously break the hearts of many, many women. These two fine young men know how to get down on the dance floor and for that I commend them. Simple yet effective; 40 for the Jerk.

White boys will Bernie to anything. 46's all around for this display of sexual excellence!

I apologize for the crappy video quality. Kind of. Working on a walk on's budget here and I'm not tech savvy enough to figure it out. I love you.

1 day until Illinois
65 days until Christmas

ps. if you want to laugh you should probably watch THIS VIDEO and the rest of their videos because Stone Cold said so.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Confidence/Kurt Freytag Interview

Confidence is a long snapper's #1 weapon; due to our extreme lack of strength, size, power, speed, agility and favorable body composition it has to be. Every single long snapper, if he (or she, I don't like to discriminate. however, girl long snappers are extremely rare) is worth anything, borders on cocky and believes they are the best snapper to ever lace up the boots. The sad thing is, all of those self-absorbent a-holes are wrong; I am the best long snapper ever.

Clearly a long snapper's confidence does not come from anything than means anything to anybody else. I am willing to go on record to say that no long snapper has ever won a foot race (against real humans, beating another long snapper comes with the same bragging rights as being able to not wear the same sweat pants for 2 consecutive weeks. yeah its awesome and I'm proud of you, but nobody really cares.). It definitely is not going to come in the weight room so little things like not getting food ourselves as we destroy anything that is placed in front of us, or remembering to brush our teeth before class can really spark a streak of confidence we cannot (are unable) find anywhere else in life. Personally, I am also a fan of when I can find a clean pair socks. Clean sock days are perfect snap days.

October is upon us, with that brings the only time I care about baseball. Don’t get me wrong, I love my Brewers every day of the year but I could probably only name about 7 guys on the team. All I know is that your team sucks and the Brewers will win it all, 2011 is the Year of the Beer.

Also, basketball is in a lockout. Doesn’t matter, the NBA hasn’t been relevant since 1992 when Bird retired.

As most of you know, the Purdue football team will not be tweeting for the remainder of the season. Probably for the better, my fart jokes are getting old.

This week’s edition of Booty’s Corner features running back Kurt Freytag. Kurt makes FDR seem like a Commie and George Clooney look like The Candy Man. He’s what we in the biz call the total package.

Penn State: 2 days
Christmas: 72 days

Special shout out to my neighbor Kellie Phillips for her hat trick against IU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also, Purdue won the game 8-2 and any time Purdue beats IU, or anybody beats IU, rules.